A Looney Tunes Double Feature
by VAPX007
Summary: While Junior Wizard Daffy Duck goes to Hogducks, Bugs Bunny Jedi Knight goes on a mission to help Princess Kit Walker (as played by Penelope Pussycat) and Captain Sylvester. Circumstances soon bring these two plots together in an action-packed climax. Support characters also include Marvin the Martian, Elmer, Sylvester, Wile E, Speedy, Tweety, Witch Hazel, Tina Russo & Pepe Le Pew.
1. Platform Nine Three Slash Four

_Disclaimer: Daffy D__uck and Co belongs to Warner Bros Empire. Hogwarts iconology belongs to JK Rowling; Star Wars belongs to George Lucas._

_A/n: I've crossed so many universes here the only place it belongs is in Looney Tunes._

* * *

**Hidden Away in the Hills**  
**Somewhere in a Part of**  
**The Northern Hemisphere**  
**(Where it Always Snows**  
**On Christmas Eve-Always)**  
**Of an Insignificant Blue**  
**And Green Planet in the**  
**Looney Tunes Galaxy is**  
**The Hogducks School of**  
**Witchcraft and Wizardry.**

* * *

"Platform nine three forward slash four. Platform nine three forward slash four. Platform nine three forward slash four. I'd rather not admit it but I am starting to feel more than a little perplexed." Midway Daffy Duck stopped wheeling his trunk of belongings from platform ten to platform nine and back again to reread the letter. "Platform nine three forward slash four. Hmm." He looked back at the station signs. "Ten, eleven, twelve, eleven, ten, nine, eight ... Right, that officially does it." He pulled out his small pocket notebook that had a big red X painted on the black cover. He flicked over to a clean page and wrote 'Abolish train stations'.

"I-b-d-b-d-b ... excuse me but you're blocking my way."

Startled, Daffy spun around at the boy's voice and tumbled headlong over his trunk, spilling out quite spectacularly through an invisible barrier. Upside down, he had a great view of a steam engine of red and black and children and parents of various shapes and species rushing about everywhere.

"Well, what do you know? Platform nine three forward slash four." Daffy clambered up on top of his trunk and regarded the little pig with his own trunk of belongings. "Thanks."

"I'm sorry." The little boy said politely. "Are you going to Hogducks too?"

"Well, I got this." Daffy showed him his letter. "And then this guy by the name of Foghorn showed up and talked - boy did he ever talk - with my uncle and aunt and so then we went-."  
"I get the picture." The boy cut him off and picked up his pocket book from the ground, "My name's Porky Pig."  
Daffy jumped off his trunk. "Daffy Duck."

"What's this for?" Porky started looking through the book.  
"Out-out-out." Daffy snatched it back defensively. "That's my personal diary."  
"Really?" Porky raised an eyebrow. "It looked like some sort of list with check boxes and everything."  
"So?" Daffy returned, "Santa Claus has one just like it."

"Oh, I honestly b-don't care. We'd better get on board before the train leaves without us."

* * *

They climbed on board and parked their trunks in an empty booth.

Daffy watched as Porky immediately opened his trunk and pulled out his school clothes. "You want to get ready too." Porky advised him.  
Daffy scratched his head. "Don't we have a while to go?"  
"I b-d-b-don't like leaving things to the last minute; I prefer to be cool calm and collected."  
"Oh, great." Daffy said unhappily but followed Porky's example and put his school clothes on too. "Just when I though this magic stuff was going to be fun."  
Porky pulled his top over his head. "Your parents aren't wizards?"  
"How should I know?" Daffy shrugged, "one thing for sure is my aunt and uncle aren't."

When he pulled down his robes over his head Daffy saw Porky was now staring at him. "What?"  
"I-I'm sorry about your folks."  
"Well, I look at it from the point of view that Duck Season comes but once a year."

"Hello?" There was a voice from below, "is there room in this carriage for three more?"

Daffy and Porky looked down at a minuscule mouse and his trunk.  
"I think we can fit you in." Porky invited.  
"Hey, comrades!" Speedy called back into the corridor of the train, "I found us seats!"

* * *

A few moments later, a solidly built green-skinned human girl and a midget of a canary bird were putting their trunks up in the overhead compartments as well. Daffy had to do a double take on the menagerie in the carriage with him.

"I'm Hazel." The girl introduced herself with a genial smile, "You must be first years."

"I am and my name is Daffy Duck." Daffy answered. "And my aunt and uncle aren't wizards." He added boldly, fishing for more weird reactions like Porky's.  
"Oh, really?" Hazel peered over her hooknose at him. "That makes you our new resident expert on all things Muggle." She smiled, "that's what we call people who don't do magic. We're witches, they're Muggles."

"Oh." Daffy puzzled this over. "Professor Foghorn might have said something about that to my aunt and uncle while I'd fallen asleep at the table."  
Hazel giggled. "Never mind; you'll pick it all up soon enough."

Daffy smiled back at her, realising he's just found some friends at his new school.


	2. The Phantom of the Jedi

**The Phantom of the Jedi**

* * *

The Jedi Council room was big enough for about thirty people. It was round and the elders sat with their backs to the walls. The spotlight shone down on a black cat in a grey diplomatic suit in between them.

"Again; I implore the Jedi council for your help. The Malician incursion was unwarranted. Is balance not a thing that you prize? Is there no pity or equity in your hearts?"  
"Princess Kitty." The head Jedi official stated, "You have already lost your war. The Great Cat Empire has fallen; it is not a random event but the design of the Living Force of Creation. Even things that happen which seem negative have a purpose, though that purpose is not easy to see."  
"My people still live!"  
"And may the force be with them."

"Force!" Kitty exclaimed. "I thank the Jedi Council for your time."

Kitty spun around and stormed out.

* * *

The council chambers door slid open and Captain Sylvester saluted in his navy uniform, straightening smartly to attention.

Princess Kitty stormed towards him with a scowl on her face. "May the Force be with us indeed!" Kitty scowled at Sylvester in the hall. "They quoted the non-interference directive and send us on our way with nothing more than a good luck wish. I have never met a more insufferable bunch of unfeeling, unsympathetic brain boxes."  
"I have." Sylvester offered, "Were any of them Vulcan?"  
Princess Kitty frowned at him, "Yes, but that's hardly the point, captain." She turned for the exit.

"What will we do now, my princess, since the Jedi council has refused our request?" Sylvester fell in step behind her. "We can't return to Felixis."  
"No; we're outlaws there, Captain Sylvester, you make a resounding point." Kitty answered with the trace of tears in her voice. "No, I will have to think more of how to utilise our resources."

"At this rate a revolt will take years." Sylvester frowned.

Kitty stopped by the door to frown at him. "I do not require your depressing estimations at this time, captain, thank you." Kitty's eyes refocused on something behind Sylvester and he turned to see a furry-grey Jedi in a purple robe and long ears watching them. The expression on the face of the rabbit was inscrutable.

Princess Kitty politely nodded to the Jedi in the room with them. She swung about with a flick of her brushy tail towards the exit. "Come, Captain Sylvester. We have many trials ahead of us."

"I'll say." Sylvester agreed. "The Kitty Hawke's hyper drive needs re-yarning and without a crew it's going to take me around fifteen hours to get the job done."  
"Docked for fifteen hours!" Kitty exclaimed, "We cannot afford that kind of exposure. Marcia Malicia's wolves will surely sniff out our berth long before then."

"My princess, if the string unwinds while the hy-." Sylvester closed the door behind them.

* * *

Bugs Bunny stepped into the council meeting room and saw the elders getting up from their chairs. "Oh, elder council," he drew their attention, "What gives throwing that poor woman out on her ear? Could nobody else hear her suffering in need of a morsel of guidance?"

"She wishes to call a revolt against the Malician occupation of her home world. She will not let go of her obsessive attachment, and obsession leads to the Dark Side."  
Bugs twitched at the Vulcan council member's response. "You realise of course, Elder Solok; that she's going to make that revolt happen with or without our help?"  
"It is counterintuitive to interfere with the life force balance on Felixis. Jedi protect the peace. We are warriors of peace, and are not ones to use force to resolve a conflict; it is through peace, understanding and harmony that conflicts resolve."

"While I do agree in so much as the old broken record routine goes; we can't just abandon the dame to the Malician wolves. Are we not Jedi, guardians of peace and justice? Do we not believe in finding peaceful solutions to problems? We should never negotiate out of fear, but also we should never fear to negotiate. We embrace justice, protecting and preserving the fundamental rights of all living creatures. Empathy and compassion are vital to us; it allows us to comprehend the wounds caused by injustice."

"I can sense your mind clouding with feelings for the girl."

"Low ball." Bugs glared back at Solok. "She's lost, alone and crying. She's going to get herself hurt and then it really will disrupt the balance in the Force. We as Jedi believe that love and compassion are central to our lives. We must love each other as we love ourselves; by doing this, we envelope all life in the positive energy of the Force."

"You be her protector then, young Jedi Knight."

The council murmured in consensus.

"Very well I will do it." Bugs answered. In a way, this had been what he'd been after when he'd walked in here just now.

* * *

Kitty and Sylvester were in their rented hover car when Sylvester looked in his rear vision camera screens.

"My princess, we've got a tail."  
Kitty straightened in the back seat. "Ship to ship COM link!"

_"The deposed Kitty Walker of the Great Cat Empire. You're supposed to be dead!"  
__"We're going to make it happen."_

"On second thoughts I don't want to talk to them. Turn it off." Kitty gulped. "Step on it, Captain!"

Sylvester flew the ship chaotically trying to shake the Malician wolves and avoid their disruptor bolts. Kitty clung desperately to her seatbelt. "We're not getting out of this!" She exclaimed and opened the compartment, jamming the parachute on her back. "Come on, Captain Sylvester, it's time to bail out!"

* * *

Kitty and Sylvester landed in the street underbelly of the capital city. "They're going to come back!" Sylvester fretted, fighting his parachute back into its pack.  
As her parachute neatly retracted, Kitty looked around at the street frontage . "Look, there's an underground entrance!" She exclaimed at the dark gap between two bars. "Let's go."

They quickly scatted through the gap and discovered themselves in a tunnel system.

"I wonder what this is for." Kitty said quietly as she and Sylvester began their exploration. "It seems abandoned at any rate."  
"There's just enough light for us. I only wonder how long until the Malicians sniff us out and corner us down here." Sylvester added.

"Wait, princess, can you hear that?"

They listened to the distant harmonic strains.

"Music." Kitty decided. "Someone is singing opera. How do we get rid of those wolves?"  
"Oh." Sylvester frowned. "I thought it sounded like lunch."  
Kitty listened again. "I think we're beneath some sort of amphitheatre. Let's see if we can't make some use of this."

* * *

"Some protector I am." Bugs Bunny followed the two Malician wolves from the twisted steaming wreckage. They seemed to have a better idea as to where to start looking than he did right now. "If I get her out of this I'll be sure to lock my senses onto her Force effect."

"Hello." Bugs' ears pricked, even as the Malicians beat up the bouncer and opened the door to the theatre. He tiptoed after them.

_"Past the point of no return, no backward glances_  
_Our games of make-believe are at an end_  
_Past all hope of cries for help, no point resisting_  
_We're past the point of no return."_

Bugs silently tailed the two wolves. 'What are you nuts?' He watched in amazement as they disregarded the 'it's a trap' signs and headed up to the stage. 'She's clearly baiting you, meaning she's rigged it meaning-.'

Sandbags fell and the two wolves went down under them. Bugs hopped over the pile-up and got up onto the stage.

_"Too late for turning back!  
Too late for prayers and useless pity!"_

Kitty grabbed Sylvester from off the ladder in the stage wing. "Come, Sylvester."

_"Down once more to the dungeons_  
_Of our dark despair_  
_Down we plunge to the misery below._  
_That what once we had is now no more_  
_So down to the dark we'll go."_

Kitty's voice carried the words. She was obviously having a meltdown and no thanks to Elder Solok. Bugs dived in through the trap door after them.

* * *

After a moment, Kitty spun around and seized upon Bugs.

"What's up, Princess?"  
"I demand to know why you are following me!"  
Bugs shrugged. "I have to tell you: That outfit simply does not go with these walls. If you're going to stay down here you really should go for a brown or black robe."

Kitty glanced down at her light grey delegate dress and scowled at him.

_"Hounded out by everyone!_  
_Met with hatred everywhere!_  
_No kind words from anyone!_  
_No compassion anywhere!_  
_Jedi, why? Why?"_

Bugs shook his head and smiled gently at her.

_"No more talk of darkness_  
_Let me be your light_  
_I'm here, with you, beside you_  
_To guard you and to guide you"_

She gazed at him, suddenly seeing him for the first time.

_"All I want is freedom_  
_A world with no more night_  
_And you, always beside me_  
_To guide me and to hide me."_

_"Then say you'll share with me each fight, each trial_  
_Say the word and I will follow you_  
_Say you need me with you here, beside you_  
_Anywhere you go, let me go too_  
_Princess, that's all I ask of you."_

_"Share each day with me, each fight, and each trial"_

_"Say you need me"_

_"You know I do._  
_Help me, that's all I ask of you."_

She gazed at him. "Thank you, Jedi Knight. Might I know your name, or shall I always address you by your title?"  
Bugs cocked an ear at her. "Bugs Bunny."

Sylvester cleared his throat. "Princess, forgive my interruption but we'd better leave before those two hairballs wake up."


	3. The Kitty Hawke

_A/n: You have to write badly before you can write well. And that's nothing to say you can't have fun failing. That way if you never get to the stage of writing well then at least you can say you've spent your time having fun. Make sense? No? Never mind then._

* * *

**The Kitty Hawke**

* * *

Bugs in his purple monk's robe, Kit in her light grey delegate dress and Sylvester in his crisp navy uniform crossed a few city streets on foot till they reached a public transport interchange station. Soon enough a shuttle bus landed with the word "Departing to Spaceport" on the front and side advisement screens. A crowd of working class engineers of varying height and limb shuffled on board and the trio filed on with them.

All the while as they rode aboard the packed vehicle, none of the trio spoke much. Bugs observed his new companions in mild curiosity. Kit was no longer on the verge of despair and spent the crowded travel time deep in thought over available resources and looking for the best plan to fit them. Sylvester spent the time worrying about the Kitty Hawke's hyper-drive.

* * *

In a short while, they'd filed off the crowded shuttle and crossed the slightly-less-crowded space dock to a docking port. They passed through the airlock and Sylvester flicked on the lights of a tidy little ship. Bugs looked around. The air lock to the external door opened straight into the centre of the ship. Bugs could see it was a close quarter arrangement straight away with the doors of a few rooms opposite, the pilot controls to the far right and the engineering controls to the far left. It seemed built for the comfort of three or four crew. Bugs turned around and spied the trans-mat platform and doors on either side of the airlock room labelled with different amenity pictures. Bugs decided this was not a place one could get lost in.

Kit followed after Sylvester to the right and Bugs trailed after her. Bugs took the spare seat on the right of Sylvester. The heavily padded chairs had high backs and a hole at the back for tail comfort.

"Prepare for disengaging the docking clamps." Sylvester advised as they settled into their chairs. "Initiate safety protocols."  
One glance at all the chrome switches and dials and Bugs went cross-eyed. "How do you fly this thing?"  
"Quite easily, actually," Sylvester answered with a glint in his eye. "Now, where was I? Oh, yeah, initiating safety protocols." Sylvester strapped himself in.  
Feeling reassured, Bugs strapped himself into the H-Belt and awaited the trip.

Sylvester pressed a button on the dash. "KHCY awaiting clearance for departure by space dock control."  
"KHCY you have departure clearance." The voice from the space dock spoke over the COM link.  
"Copy that: KHCY has clearance for departure." Sylvester responded cheerily.  
"Confirmed, Space dock: KHCY over and out." Sylvester pressed a button and the COM link went silent.

"I'm switching the KHCY to autopilot now," Captain Sylvester reported.

Bugs watched the view-screen before them. Sylvester's section of the screen was busy with readouts and navigation and engineering reports but Bugs section was clear and he watched them push sideways away from the docking port. They then turned ninety degrees to the left and began accelerating through controlled space.

It was now as the fascination started wearing off that Bugs sensed the tension from Kitty and Sylvester over the litter of ships around them. "What's up? Can't we just jump to hyper-drive to avoid any more trouble?"  
"We've still got to make it back to the Kitty Hawke before we can do that." Sylvester answered.  
"My mistake." Bugs cocked an ear in surprise, "What's KHCY stand for?"  
"Kitty Hawke Captain's Yacht." Kit answered.

Bugs gazed out at the array of ships again in geostationary orbit. Malicians were lurking in the midst of them somewhere; he could sense their force nature even though he hadn't been searching for them. "Can you cut out the computer and do it manually? That'll gain us a couple invisibility points."  
"That's an excellent idea," Kit stated, "Can you do that, captain?"

"Yes, my princess," Sylvester answered. "Autopilot deactivated. We are now flying on manual."

Bugs closed his eyes and reached his mind out to find the Malician ship's hiding place.

* * *

"Bugs Bunny, let me introduce you to the Kitty Hawke." Kit stated after some few minutes.

Bugs opened his eyes and by the light of the planet he saw that they were approaching a gigantic ship. It was almost a disc but with the back end cut off where the hyper-drive was and the front end slightly pointed. He'd seen it in the history texts as a little boy.

"Shouldn't that be in a museum?"  
"Yes," Kitty answered, "Only Malicia broke all our other ships."  
"She's beautiful." Sylvester added. "The curators really took a lot of care of her."

* * *

They got aboard and hurried up the long and winding corridors. Emergency lighting diodes lit their way and in the air hung the smell of antiquity.

It was clear to Bugs' sense of the force that there was only the three of them aboard. It was here, on this massive yet empty ship that Bugs began to see the potential for Kitty to make herself a successful nuisance to Malicia. At home in this larger space, Princess Kit Walker of the Fallen Cat Empire clearly thought big.

The two felines jumped up the ladder and Bugs climbed up after them and up through the hatchway into the flight room. This room was large and, while the captain's yacht had four seats in the forward section, this room had around a dozen.

"Captain Sylvester, as soon as we get clear of the bone yard we need to jump to hyper-drive." Kit stated.  
"Yes, princess."

Bugs wondered over all the empty chairs to choose from, "Where are the seat belts?"  
Sylvester answered, seating himself in the centre forward chair. "We have localised deck gravity plating, triple padded bulkheads shaft and capita."  
Bugs looked up at the emergency light strips in between the padding of the walls. "Okay, captain."

* * *

_"Warning: proximity alert. The Malicians are off the starboard bough, Captain, and closing at a rate of one quarter impulse."_The computer sang cheerily._"They're coming up fast behind us."_

"We're clear of the bone-yard and engaging hyper-drive ... now." Sylvester swiped the lever down and the starry screen went to toothpaste view.  
_"Warning: The Hyper-drive is due for re-yarning in two hundred light years."__  
_"That's plenty of time." Bugs stated.

_"Warning: The Hyper-drive is now overdue for re-yarning. Your statutory warranty has expired."__  
_"I'd better drop her out." Sylvester reached for the switch.  
_"Alert, alert: Hyper-drive string snap is imminent!"__  
_Sylvester yanked the switch and the toothpaste view turned into a massive yellow planet zooming up to meet them.

_"Red alert: collision alert."__  
_Bugs scratched his head. "I don't know much about entering orbits but we might be taking it a bit fast."  
Sylvester ignored Bugs and raced around the controls, trying to level off their decent. "Brace yourselves for impact!" He screeched.

Mountain ranges grew closer then moved aside until there was nothing but yellow sand. Then suddenly the picture was gone.

* * *

"Neat dive." Bugs shrugged. "Whoever designed your gravimetric deck plating did a splendid job." He looked at his feet still on the decking and looked over at Kitty.  
"Captain Sylvester," Kitty stepped forwards, "What happened to the picture?"  
"Uh..." Sylvester looked around at the readings. "The picture's still there, princess, there's just no light penetration."  
"You mean ..."

"We're underground." Bugs finished.  
"Actually, we're under sand." Sylvester countered. "We dived straight into it."  
"Goodness." Kitty exclaimed, "how far down have we gone?"  
"There's about twenty metres of sand above our heads."  
"This is advantageous," Bugs pointed out, "We're well hidden from any Malicians about."

"It looked like Tattooine before we lost visual." Kitty mused. "Tattooine is a sand planet with a decentralized population. Not even the Malicians can make a viable claim on it."  
"Even better." Bugs commented. "Captain, do you need any supplies to fix the Hyper-drive?"  
"The gear is already in the engineering closet. I just need a couple days to myself to get it done and doing all the repairs from the break will take a bit longer still."  
"Days we have plenty." Bugs answered. "We're buried so far in over our heads that nobody's going to bother you."  
"Except us, and I don't think either of us quite capable of assisting you." Kit was apologetic, "We will do our best to leave you to your work, Captain Sylvester."

"Thank you, Princess." Sylvester smiled in relief. "I'll be back in engineering."


End file.
